Recognize The Difference Between Guilt And Perfectionism
Trying to improve ourselves and feeling guilty when we do not meet our personal standards are very common and powerful human emotions.
Guilt is important. It is an internal alarm that buzzes whenever we act in ways that do not fit our conception of "right" behavior. The desire to avoid the pangs of guilt helps people to study in school, work conscientiously, and to live cooperatively within their communities.
While guilt usually is a positive emotion - gently nudging us toward behaviors that fit our and society's standards - perfectionism occurs when guilt runs aut of control. When we generate harsh unreasonable demands and then punish ourselves for not meeting them, guilt becomes damaging and self-defeating.
Try To Distinguish Between Reasonable And Unreasonable Self-Demands
Here are some guidelines that may help you distinguish between reasonable and unreasonable self-demands:
* Perfection is unattainable. Mistakes will, and even must, happen. Blaming yourself for not managing every detail at school, home, or work is a useless exercise. Don't fret. Do your best, then go on.
* You cannot constantly be patient and good natured, even toward people you love. Many people feel terrible when they are irritable or impatient, especially toward parents, partners and children. Their perfectionism says, "I must be a bad person to feel this way." It is normal sometimes to feel anger with those we love. Look for ways to discharge anger harmlessly. Talk about things which bother you before they become big issues. Try moderate exercise as a way to relax. Schedule pleasant activities for yourself.
* If you have done something that is against your moral or ethical values - accept it and put it behind you. Apologize if you can, correct the misdeed in whatever way seems proper and then go on with your life. Think twice if confessing will hurt an innocent person. Tell yourself that you have done it, that it was an act with which you are displeased, and that it is behind you.
Praise Yourself
Counter your perfectionistic tendencies. Tell yourself, "Good work. I'm doing the best I can given
the situation, thaťs all I can ask of anyone."